She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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