it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize