Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
