I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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