Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You can't special order awesome
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
