I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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