tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
