So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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