So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
