Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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