Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
