i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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