i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
