evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
