i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
