fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Send help, water and tortillas.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
