he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
