this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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