Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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