he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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