i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
