Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
