I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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