at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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