Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
