The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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