In America we eat man semen.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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