I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
