He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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