If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
