have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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