Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
