Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
