idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
