4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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