shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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