Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
