After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
