Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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