I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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