I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
