Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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