Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
