Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
