Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
