You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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