I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This is my gift to your gina
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
