I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
