I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
