Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
