Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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