I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
