i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
