next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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