so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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