Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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