If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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