I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
