shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
