I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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