How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
