just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
40s are totally the cure
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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