I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"