can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness