In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
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I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again