Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
