I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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