The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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