Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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