If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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