Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
