i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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