she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
