That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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