dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
